Leave Your Skin Alone

At the risk of sounding like a total hippie, I wish women would stop listening to “The Man” and leave their skin alone. Who, you may ask, is “The Man” in this statement? Big cosmetics companies and their well-paid marketing teams, plus the print magazines that are supported by those cosmetics ads, plus every expert […]

Fall in Love With Yourself

It’s one of the privileges of the single person to be stuck with oneself. Doing so will push you through many evolutions, or it should, if you’re lucky. I’ve been reborn a few times over the past ten years. Sometimes I wonder about all the people who got into LTRs in their early twenties and […]

Make Your Bed

I once dated a man who said he’d bought a new set of sheets shortly before he met me. He said that he’d hoped that if he made his bed nice, he might find a nice woman in it. Although his penchant for yelling at cab drivers and shaming meat eaters eventually drove us apart, […]

Intimacy, or, to Ruffle the Feathers Lovingly

Kevin Kline: To kiss a prostitute, it costs more. Meg Ryan: That makes sense. A kiss is so intimate. You could probably disconnect from everything else, but a kiss… Two people’s lips together, their breath, a little bit of their soul. (Stops). All I mean is that a kiss is where the romance is. –French […]

Sexy is Timeless

We’re inundated every day with images of female beauty. The folks that art direct those photo shoots and then later assemble those photos into catalogs and magazines are looking for what is interesting to the camera. The lens makes its own demands. . . for angles. Cheekbones. Enormous lips. Stark clavicles. Erin Heatherton in a […]

Your Real Beauty

You’re probably familiar with Dove’s Real Beauty campaign, but you may not yet have seen this remarkable video they released a couple weeks ago. Using a real-life forensics artist to draw ordinary women based purely on their verbal description, Dove captures a heartbreaking truth: we judge ourselves much more harshly than others judge us. We […]

Why It’s Okay To Not Be “Fun”

As a writer of naughty stories I am on the very outer ring of the planetary system that is public female sexuality, with women who take their clothes off onstage being in the center, models, singers and actresses closely orbiting them, and those of us who only assist others in imagining sexual activity as the […]

Restoring the Lost Art of Being a Good Lover

Like Wesley in Princess Bride, who spent years building up an immunity to iocaine powder, I’ve spent the past few years developing the ability to cheerfully and honestly have no-strings-attached sex and still be friends with that person later. I’m not talking about hookup sex or one night stands, which in my experience tends to […]

hamster, interrupted.

In the winter of 2007 I worked for an eccentric entrepreneur in Brooklyn. He had a window and door business that was faltering while he devoted all his resources to inventing a series of ingredients to create a fireproof elevator. On my first day, his CFO bought me coffee and told me they couldn’t afford […]