Battle of the Sexes 2016: the Perils of Online Dating

I’ve learned not to use the phrase “Let me know” with a man. For example you might find yourself texting a guy, “Let me know when you want to come over.” In my mind, this means, “Let me know in the next day or so, when you’ve decided in advance, when you plan on coming […]

Leave Your Skin Alone

At the risk of sounding like a total hippie, I wish women would stop listening to “The Man” and leave their skin alone. Who, you may ask, is “The Man” in this statement? Big cosmetics companies and their well-paid marketing teams, plus the print magazines that are supported by those cosmetics ads, plus every expert […]

Fall in Love With Yourself

It’s one of the privileges of the single person to be stuck with oneself. Doing so will push you through many evolutions, or it should, if you’re lucky. I’ve been reborn a few times over the past ten years. Sometimes I wonder about all the people who got into LTRs in their early twenties and […]

Make Your Bed

I once dated a man who said he’d bought a new set of sheets shortly before he met me. He said that he’d hoped that if he made his bed nice, he might find a nice woman in it. Although his penchant for yelling at cab drivers and shaming meat eaters eventually drove us apart, […]

Intimacy, or, to Ruffle the Feathers Lovingly

Kevin Kline: To kiss a prostitute, it costs more. Meg Ryan: That makes sense. A kiss is so intimate. You could probably disconnect from everything else, but a kiss… Two people’s lips together, their breath, a little bit of their soul. (Stops). All I mean is that a kiss is where the romance is. –French […]

Sexy is Timeless

We’re inundated every day with images of female beauty. The folks that art direct those photo shoots and then later assemble those photos into catalogs and magazines are looking for what is interesting to the camera. The lens makes its own demands. . . for angles. Cheekbones. Enormous lips. Stark clavicles. Erin Heatherton in a […]

Your Real Beauty

You’re probably familiar with Dove’s Real Beauty campaign, but you may not yet have seen this remarkable video they released a couple weeks ago. Using a real-life forensics artist to draw ordinary women based purely on their verbal description, Dove captures a heartbreaking truth: we judge ourselves much more harshly than others judge us. We […]

Why It’s Okay To Not Be “Fun”

As a writer of naughty stories I am on the very outer ring of the planetary system that is public female sexuality, with women who take their clothes off onstage being in the center, models, singers and actresses closely orbiting them, and those of us who only assist others in imagining sexual activity as the […]

What Makes Construction Workers Sexy?

We know why men fantasize about the naughty schoolgirl, dominating nurse or coy French maid. There are stories, lore and cliches associated with these roles that have been discussed for so long that even someone who doesn’t spend much time pondering sexuality could easily explain to an alien, “Oh, yeah, a girl in a short […]